Thursday, June 01, 2006

Be Careful Who You Kiss

Oh my, it seems like a sweet picture postcard, but don't get caught with it in school if you happen to be a kid yourself. A little boy found this card among his grandmother's prayerbooks and took it to school. What is more, it gave him ideas, and he kissed the little girl who sat next to him in class. Bad news! There was a time when little girls liked getting kissed and cute boys did not mind doing the kissing-- but NO MORE! Charlie got pulled out of his class and yelled at by his teacher. She accused him of a lot of things he did not even understand, after all, he was only a second grader! The next thing you know, the parents are called and they rush to the school to see what the matter might be. When they get there they discover that the principal called the police and their little Charlie is locked up at the pokey for sexual harassment and assault. The teacher holds up the card like it is pornography and accuses them of being negligent parents. They cannot believe it and later find out from the laughing cops that the school adminstrators insisted on charges being filed. Charlie is suspended from school and the next day they get served with a civil suit for damages from little Tabitha's parents, or should I say, TWO MOMMIES, who work for NOW...or was it the ACLU...I can't remember which.

Saturday, May 20, 2006

The Blind Dogs & the Children

Would you believe that these are two blind kids with see-and-eye dogs? Well, you would be wrong. It is quite the other way around. The children, Clifford and Elvira can see perfectly well. However, the dogs are blind. Aunt Gertrude pays these children with sweets and pennies to walk and play with her blind dogs, Katy and Brutus. Aunty used to give the children lots of paper money, but found out that their dead-beat father was swiping the money to pay for liquor. The children are afraid of the dogs, but having nothing, are desperate. You see, the pooches like to bark and bite. If it were not for their sense of smell, they would be lost. The kids protect themselves by spraying themselves with stinky perfume, from which the dogs usually shy away.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Postal Girl

Sure does not look like my postman, and she is a bit young, too. Of course, appearnces can be deceptive. Could you imagine her going "postal" and breeding terror at the local post office? And yet, we may all go postal soon. Prices for stamps are going up to 40 cents!

Thursday, May 18, 2006

The Kissing Booth

This is Annie's kissing both at the fair. All monies would go to the various charities supported by the local school board. The kisses were pretty chaste, although yours truly usually gets a coupon for more. Kisses from the girl were two dollars each. Kisses from the dog were only a quarter!

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Zombie Woman

We took a quick trip to the islands south of the mainline U.S. East coast and met this old woman, purportedly 157 years old. Many of the village people were afraid of her. They said the reason why she lived so long was because she was a soul-eater, literally consuming the time that belonged to others and making it her own. She would make all sorts of incantations and then make a real show of inhailing around people she did not like, as if human life were a vapour that could be sucked away. Even she admitted that those around her did not tend to live too long.

I am a good Catholic boy and so I did not believe in any of this mumbo-jumbo. However, even I was freaked when a saw Mambre's servants. They moved as in a daze, stiff-legged and slow. It was then that we recognized one of them, although much changed. He had helped us with our bags and acted as our guide the first couple of days after we arrived. Then he disappeared. His eyes were all white, his skin was pale, and the only sound he could make was this low-pitched moan. His associates were the same. What had happened to them?

Mambre responded, "Samuel was too free with his tongue, and so now he has joined the living dead. I cursed him, as I cursed the others you see here. They are my zombies, I tell you, zombies! Leave us or I will make you zombies too!"

We left that afternoon.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Those Magnificent Babes in Their Flying Machines

These post card cuties may be young, but they are high flyers, literally. The first girl here is a wing walker, a neat stunt that went out with curved wings and jets. Sometimes they had a rope attached, but often wing walkers were real dare devils, doing stunts on the wings of a plane while not even wearing a parachute!

The second one here worries me a bit, does that propellar look stalled out to you? She must be gliding her bird in. Look at her determination as she flies her tri-wing special. Go for it girl!

Monday, May 15, 2006

Journey to the Moon

Long before Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin set foot on the moon, the Wimple family supposedly got there by tying fire-crackers to a trash can, sending first their daughter and then themselves upwards toward the moon.

Scoffers claim that their trips to the moon were all staged on a set somewhere and that they were fakers. Well, the flat earth society people claim the same for the Apollo explorers, and I think we all know the truth about them.

These pictures were purportedly taken by a neighbor with a camera attached to a telescope. You can clearly see the Wimples and the moon. Case close, proven with visual evidence-- haha!